My Underwater World

Vamosaver

2012-01-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you have to be bold and firm about what you want. One of my motto of my life is live your life with no regrets. No matter what happen in the end, at least you have done your part, and again who knows right? And I'm referring in relationship stuff. You'll never know what is the outcome, and maybe you'll be surprised how life could turn up.

For some passerby, I won't hate you but wish you nothing but the best. *Someone like you by Adele is in the air* Those memories I will treasure in a very precious place in my part.

Much blessed and well, Vamosaver :)

A New Chapter of My Life.

2011-09-06T00:55:00.000-07:00

Finally, it's September!!! Meaning I'm finally enter Uni and start my degree. I won't hope time will pause so that I can stay longer at home because I'm not. I am now in my uncle's house in KL and tomorrow I will register in UKM as a freshie there.

My thoughts right now?? Totally blanked. Well, to be honest, I never imagined myself will enter a local University. When I was studying for SPM, I thought I will take A level or maybe into some twinning program after that. However, when I realise how much $$ will this edu route costs, I erased my plan and entered STPM. And I have a new goal then ------ study real hard and enter Singapore Local Universities, NUS or NTU. Anyway, maybe lacking of the bloody hell 7 points in my MUET cost me chances to enter into both awesome Universities in Singapore, so I got rejected by both. It was heart-breaking at first, but life never fails to disappoint you right? It's not me being pessimistic but it's the truth man.

Someday around July, I got the offer from UKM for Biochemistry. I wanted for National University of Singapore so badly but somehow I got offer by National University of Malaysia. Anyway, I am glad that I got it anyway so that my Uni life won't be too stressful. That's how others comfort me and it's how I comfort myself too :)

Life never fails to surprise you too actually. I mentioned before in my previous blog about my interview for Kuok Foundations's financial aid and I fortunately got it! It's a half loan from Kuok Foun ( but basically the half loan almost covers all my school fees!!).

Despite I am doing my degree locally, and I do not get any JPA scholarships yet, but who are you to define me as a loser? Studying abroad does not means that one is better, just maybe you're born rich, using Pa-Ma's scholarship, I can say you are lucky, you really should appreciate that and be thankful for your parents. I am just 20 this year, nobody will know where I will end up rooted in which corner of this earth. Of course I want to live an awesome life where Croissant as brunch in Paris, Ramen as lunch in Japan, Steak as dinner in US is possible, but who knows? Kita hanya bisa merancang, tetapi hanya Dia yang boleh menentukan. Perhaps I will pursue my Master in UK, marry an Ang mo and have beautiful babies there. Muahhaha.. Who knows?

Okay, enough about the day dreaming, tomorrow I will be carrying my luggage, step into UKM, a place where I am so ready to unveil it's novelty. So ready to blow it, rocking my degree life in a new place surrounding by new people.

Beware peeps :)

沒那麼簡單

2011-08-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

沒那麼簡單就能找到聊得來的伴
尤其是在看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單就能去愛別的全不看
變得實際也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話隨便聽一聽自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上關上了手機舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經

想念最傷心但卻最動心的記憶。

早就有了不祥的预感，但倔强的我，抱着你的承诺，坚信可以。

跌了才知道原来心真的可以那么痛，人，真的可以这样背叛。

曾经的事，我不后悔，只觉得非常可惜。

单身不是我的选择，总觉得幸福离我很遥远，

或许，幸福就真的是沒那麼簡單。

Part time Jobsssssssss

2011-08-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Well, it's ending soon.

Here is a question for you.

What will you do,

If you have....

8 solid months of HOLIDAYS ??

Well, not everyone can have this chance you know, except you were taking STPM and going for local Uni like I do. I admit I did complained about it and thought it is a waste of time. The STPM result was revealed at the end of Feb and we can only enroll into Uni in Sept. So that's sums up to 8 months of holidays for us. In fact, I think I did spent the time wisely for taking some part time jobs, earned some money. Proudly to say that I do not take any pocket money from my parents since January!! Meanwhile, went for some outings with mua friends and also visited Yiyi in KL. Good food and shoppings are inevitable in my case. Dramas, movies, korean variety shows and novels did a pretty good job in killing my time.

Here is a summary of what I did for the past 7 and a half month of 2011 :D

Part -time Jobs.

Customer Sales and Service Assistance in Pathlab.

When I came back from Taiwan, I went for a job-hunting for jobs like this, where my knowledge in sciences will come in handy. I targeted on some Health screen Centre or becoming an assistance in Pharmacy. I saw they were hiring in Pathlab and I gave a try on it. Lucky me, I got it and worked there for 3 months. The title of the job basically explains the nature of my work there. Explaining the packages of the screening tests, explaining the results of their tests (those normal ones, without any abnormalities). My knowledge in Biology came very useful in this aspects. I also suggested some appropriate supplements for potential customers. This was when your communicating skills came in handy. The other workers there were quite friendly though, but there were some harsh time for me, because I was not familiar with their systems and also some office works. Eventually I quit because the pay was relatively low compared to other part-time jobs and yup, I was bored with the job already. Still, I think I learned a lot from this job and I am thankful for the workers there, especially Kak Wan for being patient with me and taught me about the chores in Pathlab.

Kak Wan, thank you for everything :)

Spot the CNY deco made by angpau?

Made by me!!!!

Substitute Primary Teacher

Earlier on, I've applied a post as substitute primary teacher. Then I got it around late March after I've quit my job in Pathlab. Lucky for me, I taught in Pei Chih, not Chung Hwa. Well, I knew all the teachers in Chung Hwa, that would be scary for me teaching there. I only worked for a week there because I worked for Happy Simcards in April. Although the period of me teaching was short, but I found out crystal clear that I can't be a teacher. A week is still okay for me, but I couldn't imagine teaching for what, 20 years? Hell to the NO. You know why? Kids nowadays are different. Standard 6 students uttering four-letter-words like 'Fuck you' and etc. Standard 2 kids are like mad people, running all around and screaming. Cane does not make wonders like it did during old times. I was assigned to the brilliant standard 2 class, teaching Chinese and Music and standard 6 's Mathematics. Well, I did have a pretty good time there cause HELLO, it's me being the teacher, meaning of course I could control the kids and there are no ways they can climb up to my head. But I confessed that I faced some difficulties too as I was asked weirdd questions by those 8 years old like 'Is there ghost in this world teacher?' or ' Why should I love my parents?' Not to forget teaching those 12 years old in simplifing fractions. Hello? It's almost natural to simplify fractions in Maths right? How on earth I know HOW?

Anyway, here are some cute photos of my Standard 2 students.

Aren't they cute??

Smiling like angels, Act like demons.

*Shy*

Happy Promoters

It's not working for me. It's a month time, chit-chatting with Hau Heong, Ping and Yibi. At first, we were so inspired and worked hard to sell those dirt cheap simcards. 5 simcards for merely RM12, with altogether credits worth RM 25. Starting in the 3rd week, 4 of us were getting lazy and fooling around all the time. That explained the whole PINK photo album in Facebook---- The Fantastic Four huh? Muahhaha.

Lastly, Promoter and Merchandiser for Teh Boh.

Worked for being Promoter for one month and Merchandiser for 1 an a half month. Merchandiser meaning I have to go 6 malls a day, 3 days per week for arranging Teh Boh's products. If the stocks are insufficient, I have to take them from the stores, price tagged them and inform my salesman about the insufficient products. This job can be very tiring, but it's worth it as I wanna lose some weights. God knows how heavy those cartons of tea leaves are!!!!

My sampling booth.

The product that I was promoting is 3-in-1 milk tea. Quite nice to be frank, but too sweet for some health conscious senior citizens I guess .

Nicely arranged by the responsible merchandiser.

My opponent, none other than LIPTON Tea!!

Besides earning money, I do think that I leaned quite a lot during my working period. Though sometime I do hate when some relatives saw me working and asked me the same ques over and over again ' wa, so fast working dy arr??' ' Why dun want studying dy?'. Learned a lot of the outside cruel working world. Those stressful lifestyle like hitting targets for sales or regular working lifestyle, do not like to stay there but can't leave cozz of MONEY.....bla bla bla. Deep down I am thinking, that's the life that I will have in the next 3 or 5 years ahead. And the sad thing is I have to have this life till the day I retire. Well, let's say 20 years? 30 years?

Hmmmpphh...I better get a master and have 2 years of fun studying, before enter the monotonous working world. Wokey, this post is too long dy I think. Probably will blog again tmr out of boredom again I guess.

Till then, xoxo.

An interview and a Awwesome Weekend

2011-08-15T00:22:00.000-07:00

Quit my job in August, realise it's my last month of my honeymoon period, where there are no exams, no studies at all to stress me up. Okay, maybe I'll have another blog about how I spent my 7 months time 'wisely' *evil smirk*

It's exactly last 2 weeks, when I waiting with anticipation for Er Ke and Yiyi to visit Kelantan, I got a call from Kuok Foundation asking me for an interview in KL. Of course I was over the moon and when I delivered the news to my dad, he said :" Aren't your cousins are in KB at the time?" And then I was stuck and sighed. This is life baby. You just can't make everything smooth sailing by your will.

My interview is in 9th. As the price for plane tickets are sky-rocketing, I went to KL by train. Alone. Thankfully, with my ipod and my new novel--My Sister's Keeper (it's an ass-kicking novel!!), I was not bored throughout the journey. Well, I slept at 10pm, course you know, the rocking train, get it :) After 2 hours I reached my uncle's house, my cousins left to KB, starting their journey, exploring the Malay food paradise. (I was suppose to be the tour guide and had those scrumptious food as well!! *screaming*)

The interview was in 9.30pm, and I experienced the busty hectic morning of a working KLrians. The LRT and Monorail were FULL with people. I do mean by the wording. There are no free space at all. My cousin TJun accompanied me for the interview and went to work after he dropped me. When the long awaited Monorail reached. I was jaw-dropped. There is exactly no empty space for us to squeeze in. Somehow the crowd behind me pushed me into the coach and I was packed and sandwiched. No, sandwiched is not the word. I was 'sardined'. I asked TJ, do you have to encounter this everyday? He whispered :" Welcome to KL"

The interview was just-okay. I don't think I kill it actually, pretty much screwed up my own chance. I felt so bad when I was in the LRT after the interview ended. As I will be home alone in my uncle's hse, I've decided to visit JiaJia in IMU after my interview.

While waiting for Jia's class to end, I had my dose of the day, can't remember the name but it's Caramel flavoured :) It's quite nice though. But my fav is still Jing Si's caramel coffee.

Miss it so badly.

Had an amazing time with Jia and her friends in IMU. Two amazing Penangites, Janice and Yeechen if I am not mistaken. I even snicked into the auditorium with my visitor pass in IMU and attended a lecture there. The lesson is not new to me. It was just barely Biological Cell and Functioning, but little that I know that my brain already rusty. Hate myself for that and I promise myself to dedicate an hour revising on my studies before I enter UKM.

Din't take any photos with Jia and oh yea, have I mentioned about we went for Sri Petaling Pasar Malam earlier? 1st, I am not exactly a photoholic and 2nd, I have no time to snap any when I was surrounded saliva-drooling food, cheap-and-yet-cute clothing and all those novelty that I never had in KB :)

The next day I went to KLCC for some shopping and a movie 'Rising of the Planet of the Apes', while waiting for cousins to reach KL from KB and then head home together. Waterlili came to KL the day after and we had a pretty good weekend together.

love

We went fishing for Prawn!! It's a BBQ hosted by Er Ke's friend in somewhere Tropicana I think.

The fishing area

YiYi and me. Spot Lili beside Jiayi.

After this experience, fishing is HELL to the NO to me. After 15 min of waiting, I passed mine to Yiyi and got myself some food. I just not a fish person, or prawn I think. Yiyi on the other side got a prawn!!! I wonder if she still remembers this or the pity lil prawn still lay at the freezer :)

Went for a photo shoot. Uncle's family one portrait and another one for us, the 6 cousins.

Some touch-up for Lili before the photo.

Have some really awesome food in KL this time, pretty moments with Er Ke, watching World Badminton Federation and Mean Girls together. Muahahha....Bought some cute tops with Yiyi. Tropicana City Mall is my new fav mall actually.

Wokey.

Well, end my post with a final photo of mine in the LRT, headed to KL sentral for the train back to KB. Oh yeah, that's my new spec!!

洛熙

2011-07-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

当你在最伤心的时候，最需要的就是最对的人在身旁。

当那人不在了，也许就抱着他送过的礼物吧。

若连礼物也没有，那就看从前的照片吧。

如果连张照片也没有，那只有听着他对你唱过的歌曲，

留着泪睡着。

然而，我就是一个那么孤独的人。

而你，就是一个那么残忍的人。

2011-06-30T01:57:00.000-07:00

The disappointment is truly beyond my capability. I won't cheat myself. At the end, after all my hard work, I am just not good enough. I do not expect people to understand, but how I wish people that I love (not bf's love, I'm single btw) can stay beside me, so that I can have a shoulder to cry on. I'm tired of being all by my own every time this kind of thing strike me. Really tired.

Crabb Island

2011-06-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the first time I blog with photos. Okay, I should start my post by a view from Pulau Ketam!!! I got comments from friends like :" Oh, you went to pulau 2 weeks ago? Is the scenery beautiful?" Fyi, Pulau Ketam is well-known for it's fresh seafood and people are going there for the scrumptious seafood. It was an sudden suggestion from my aunt for the one day trip. Woke up in 7 a.m RELUCTANTLY, after bathe and breakfast, we went to Klang by car, searching for the jetty which head to Pulau Ketam. Oh yeah, we do not know about the transport to reach the island at all!! We just started out journey in blur and asked directions from people in Klang. Fortunately, we found our way to the jetty which head to Pulau Ketam. After an half an hour waiting, the ship arrived and HERE WE GO!!

In the ship!!

The ship is actually not very big, but it is air-conditioned. The seats are just okay, not very comfy and not very shabby either. However, what makes me cry is the 80-ties chinese songs that were played in a not very small volume :( The journey took about 45 min to reach Pulau Ketam. During the time, my uncle befriended with a woman who sat in front of him. Rupa-rupanya, she is a regular visitor to the island and knew the best seafood restaurant in P.K (According to her :)) Delightfully, we followed her to the restaurant as soon as we reached the island.

P.K is actually a very very small island. There are no roads, no cars, just heaps of bicycles. The only transportation there is bicycles. So despite of cars and motorcycles, there are bicycles in every front of every house there. Here are some photos of Pulau Ketam :D

Road in Pulau Ketam. See, no room for cars!!

Instead of car, bicycle is their one and only transportation :)

Magnum in pulau ketam!! I found this photo quite artistic. Right huh?

The only bank in P.K---Maybank

The most humorous uncle ever!!

waterlili :D

My bad for not taking any photos of the scrumptious, perhaps the best seafood that I ever had in my life!!. Well, when the food arrived, can you still hold back your saliva that drool in your mouth? Without your realization, your spoon and fork will involuntarily move over the dishes~ When the thought of taking photos of the dishes crossed my mind again, whats left were the fish bones, shells of prawns and crabs. You can actually taste the freshness and the sweetness of seafood!! I am actually allergic with processed seafood, meaning self-reproduced seafood which rare by fishermen who feed them with processed food so that they can grow big in size in a short period. Well, as all the seafood were so fresh, I did not face any allergy at all!!!!! It's been so long since I had seafood without the implications of the allergy! I strongly recommend their steam seafood, in a way that you can taste the freshness of the seafood !!!! Bashiketa~ Oishidese!!!We ordered quite a number of dishes, anyway, the price of the meal were surprisingly cheap!! Can't remember the figure but I rmb we were jaw-dropped when the lou-pan-niong mentioned the price. You can never get the price in any restaurant in KL.

More shots :

Mua~

Found my dad's restaurant there!! And we ended up having 'high tea' there. Kononnya~

But some part of the island are quite unhygienic :(

Just-caught fresh fishes!!

Magnum Bros. Different by appearance, but trust me, they are so identical in so many ways.

yiyi-er ke-lili-me , waiting for our mum buying dried seafood.

When the sun was slowly declining from the horizon, it's time to go back. How we wished we could have our dinner there too, but the last ship bec to Klang jetty is 5.45p.m. Chai ge (byeybe in korean) Pulau Ketam !!!!!

While waiting for the ship in the jetty.

Uncle and Aunt in the ship heading back :)

I'll come again for sure Pulau Ketam!!! For those seafood-lovers who are interested in going can contact me for more info lo. Oh damn, thinking about those seafood makes saliva pooling in my mouth again!!!!!!!!!!

I Have Zero Knowledge in IT Stuff

2011-06-23T07:55:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Seriously. SERIOUSLY!!!!!

I had spent my 2 hours time, figuring up how to change my designs of my blog, all the gadgets and stuff. I've tried to insert some photos and captions, somehow, they appeared differently and look so weird!! I bet kids nowadays, with the over-exposure in technology can teach me in this kind of stuff :( ...............

My friends, especially my dear sista, always nags me in being so dumb when come across some IT stuff like computer, cell phone, camera.........especially all those touch-screen gadgets!!!!!!!! I admit that I'm wayyyyyy toooooo nooooob in all these!!

Well, if you're reading this poryingying, fyi, I really did not know how to insert songs from pc into my hp or vica-versa in my entire secondary school life :)

2011-05-04T06:27:00.000-07:00

It's good to know that there are people who read by blogs :)

At first I do not tell everyone that I am having one, so I write every thoughts of mine and also shares my problems, or sometimes, or most of the time, blaming on all the unfortunate events that I had. Haha...Well, I do need a place to shout it out right. Muahaha..

After some thinking, I think my blog is the perfect place to voice something. The stuff that I posted, I will not normally discuss with everyone, I can't stand it, like being defeated or something like that. For close friends of mine, if you have read and know that I'm in blues, please phone me up as maybe I really need to talk to someone. But DON'T, PLEASE DON'T make fun of it na...haha..

For others, I seriously do not think anyone who is not close with me even bother to read blogs of mine. I mean it's not interesting at all. It has no photos, no fancy decorations, no interesting events, just an always-blaming-on-stuff girl's blog. You can laugh or maybe disagree on what I say but as long as I can't hear you, that's okay for me.

Lastly, I miss my friends out there, yo people, please phone me, text me, or write on my walls in fb as I'm officially rotting in my house currently. Miss the good time, and the bad too, and I miss studying so badly. Miss you baby sista.

Finger cross, hope everyone that I miss and love are doing fine and unlike me, are enjoying LIFE :)

Got Cha sootohjiawen!!

2011-04-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

My blog is always my sanctuary when I am facing any of my dilemmas in my life. A friend of mine told me that I always worry about things. Well, we all do the same right. A smooth sailing life isn't a life. But mine is pretty rocky sometimes.

Yea, my last blog is about the bla bla feelings when my STPM results were going to be released. However, my results is not bad (that's what I told others). Okay, let's don't lie, it does not reach my target, and I'm pretty disappointed. Getting a cgpa of 3.67 in STPM is actually the same as getting 3.33 or 3.5. You are just not elite anymore. It dampen my spirit as Pharmacy is my first choice of my courses for a degree. Little do I know that why it seems like every science students in Malaysia determine to be a Pharmacy like I do. So as ppl are mushrooming for it, the more competitive it become.

Now, there are some people that ask me why did I study Form 6. My very first aim

------->PURSUE MY DEGREE IN SINGAPORE!!! Study in Singapore is always my dream. Okay, let's don't lie again. Study abroad is always my dream. I am superficial maybe, but you can say that I dream high :)

The email that I received the days before torn me apart. A rejection letter from NTU saying my application my admission into NTU is unsuccessful. I applied to 2 universities, NTU and NUS. So I only have half a probability to realise my dream. It's not that I do not want to study in local universities or I look down on the level of education, but I need a different surrounding, a campus with English. Get what I mean? NUS, you're my only hope right now. PLEASE, ACCEPT MY APPLICATION. I'M DYING TO BE A STUDENT OF YOURS!!

To be frank, I want to become a pharmacist right now. I do not know why, but the urge of becoming one have been mounting few months ago. I can see my future in becoming one. Honestly, the last thing I want about my tertiary education is to spend huge sums of my parents hard-earned money on my education. I just can't take it. But it seems like I have no choice but to find another option if everything fails-----private universities.

I hate myself when I'm surfing about info for pharmacy courses in those money sucking universities.

I even hate myself when I confess to my parents that I have the thought of studying in private Uni for pharm.

I want to punch myself when I'm comparing the prices of the Unis. I want to slap myself, scold every four-letter word that I can think of,

To myself, for being so useless, for being so over-confident, that I can make everything right, that I am a straight-A student that Singapore Unis will accept me.

Ping reminded me that one of the girl that I have teased before, she got a hell better grade than me. Life serve me right. I deserve this. I deserve this failure after all. A true punishment for my over-over confident.

I used to promise my parents what I will give them when I'm working. A better house, I used to say to my dad to change the red car when I got a scholarship. Hello jiawen, wake up!! You can't even get the admission into Uni, leave alone scholarships okay!! How can I still keep my promise when I can't even guarantee a place in Uni, a bright future of mine?

Finger-crossed, hope that God will show mercy and give me what I've worked and prayed so hard for.

N E R V O U S

2011-02-19T06:46:00.000-08:00

Nervous can't actually explain my feelings right now.

What's going to happen this coming Monday? It's the day after tomorrow.

Will I cry? Tears of happiness or dismals?

Surely, I want to scream my lungs out, shouting like a mad man, jumping up and down, thanking all my teachers, sharing my joy with all my friends, and tell myself :" You finally did it jiawen :) "

Not to forget grabbing Mr Hapidin, for a photo for the local tabloid. As what I've promised him.

All my hard-work, will it get paid off? Endless of uncertainties are rooming me right now. And I don't even want to spare a moment to think about me getting the unwanted results.

Should I put on my best clothes, to get prepared to stand in front of the reporters' camera? Like I used to? It's not that I'm ego, confident or whatever. It's indeed my true feelings. Throughout my schooling years, all these years, I never let my parents down, I hit my own expectation. I'm a straight-A student. Yes, I can said that proudly. I never get a B in my UPSR, PMR and SPM. What about STPM??? I don't want a B to appear in my certificates this Monday. However, deep down I know somehow 2 subjects are going to let me down. I know I did not do well in these 2 subjects. But I seriously cannot bear with that results. I cannot take it. Puzzled. Dilemma.

I've studied so hard even I'm impressed with myself. I once tell myself that no matter how the results to be, I have no regrets. Anyhow, even there's no regrets, believe me, if i get the unwanted results, I'll still blame myself, probably slapping myself. Well, I'm quite emotional sometimes.

On the bright side, keep telling myself that it's worth it, all the hard-work will get paid.

I'm gonna smile brightly, hug my parents and see the triumph look of my parents, especially my mom, whose eyes will beam with pride. Well, I've seen that for 3 times. Let me see that again will you mom? My friends and I will congratulating each other non-stop, thanking our teachers. Phoning my close friends who are studying in other states, mostly Malacca and KL, telling them about my results. Not to forget my relatives too. Come back home, post it on Facebook, and start applying for Uni applications and available scholarships.

Finger-crossed, crossed, CROSSED, let it happen to me please :)

Hobbies?

2011-01-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

It's my first blog in 2011!! Look back my 2010, it's not actually filled only with all the studies for my STPM. Actually i did have many good time. Well, i actually miss my form 6 life. In the class, all the joy, all the struggling during some boring periods, all the arguement, all the gossipings. I miss everyone right now!

Okay, go back to the topic. I'm just came back from Taiwan last week. By right i should have one blog reserve for my Taiwan trip, but don't know why, i just do not have the right mood for writting a blog for the trip. The trip was awesome, no doubt, but...........i dunno :(

Okay, go back to the topic. When i was in Taiwan, i saw many people who own DSLR. To me, my old perspection, DSLR is another tool for them to show off..like uttering ' look at me, i'm artistic and cool' in silence. No offence but right now, i apologise to anyone whom i judged with this staement. In Taiwan, those who own one are really interested in photography. And they're really really talented. Once i talked to Chun Leng, whom jia jia and I usually refered him as DSLR. I asked him about why photography? What is that so special about taking photos? And it's a costly hobby in fact. When he answered me, his eyes were actually beaming with light and he started to talk like a pro. I was amazed. And the following days, i noticed that when we reached a place with beautiful scenary, those who own DSLR will have different kind of positions, some squat, some standing, some even lying on the floor (this is not me exaggerating!!) to capture the incredible scenary with the correct angle, lightness and the proper lens.
You know what i did, i just snap snap and snap, in some case, i don't even bother to zoom it even the image was like ant size. That's time when i was amazed by Jia jia and ying them, they manage to take like 100++ photos with different poses, expression. Moi? Kill me!!

And when i think back, i don't really have any hobby, interest and things that i like. Yea, i like to read novels, but i don't really have one favourite writter. In fact i like to try on different writters' novel and indulge myself in every novel with different types of writting, distinct style of portraying the stories. I know i'm weird.

And yea, i like to listen to music, but i don't really have one favourite singer. Oh, TVXQ when i'm still a teen. Right now, nah. But i prefer English hitz than chinese songs. Anyway, some chinese oldies are still my fav.

Yea, i like to sing!! A lot! But i know deep down honestly i know that i'm not a talented singer that i can own a record or sth like that. Not that i even have the chance! However, i did enjoy the time when we sing together, in a team, like as a member in 6th graders! Oh, i missed my time in Choir so badly. If i have the chance, i will join any choir club, if i found any. I love to spend my Christmas in KL. It's not about the shopping. When i heard any carolling in malls, i will squeezed myself into the crowd and enjoy the music until my sister pulled me off. If i have the chance, i'll take part in some singing competition again. I like to prove myself. Hell yea, i'm sootohjiawen.

Okay, i'm lazy of writting at this moment. This is a bad ending i know, but my brain is so dry at this moment :) My next blog will be my taiwan trip. That's what i've promised my dad. Yea..he forced me to write a blog like billy does. Till then, happy new year everyone!

I hate Grey's Anatomy!!

2010-12-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

I have been watching this drama series since i'm 14 i think..can you imagine? It's been 5 years! I was just 14, fyi i'm just form 2 back then and i can't even barely understand some of their conversation in the drama. I hate this drama. Seriously.

I'm having the long awaited STPM right now. I just finished my Biology paper 1 today. And i think i screwed my exam. Okay. I'm not going to continue to write about that. It's pathetic and i feel like scolding myself for having a taufu brain. Still, i hate Grey's anatomy.

I've given my extremely best for this exam, if not what do you think that have caused me the swollen eye bags?? So for a little treat for being a great warrior, i started to watch Grey's Anatomy season 1. Right from the beginning. I started to watch this drama from season 3 5 years ago and till now, i've totally no idea what is the latest season that is on air right now. 7? 8??

I used to watch this drama with my baby sister, ntv7, tuesday night or saturday night, can't recall the exact day. Since we have our own laptop last year and my mighty sister discovered that Grey's Anatomy is in PPS, then we started to watched it online. Yeah, we cried together, passing tissues for one another, hugging one another when it's too much. I miss that moment terribly right now :(

I hate this drama. It makes me feel like i'm a stupid ass that will cry alone in front of my computer screen. I even sobbed!! I have to pretend that i'm having flu to wipe off my tears just now to prevent my dad from worrying. Gosh, i don't even cry like this when i screwed my exam!! Next time, as a friendly reminder, if you wanna watch this drama, prepare some tissue paper next to you. Ask your bf or gf or good friends or your sister( lili i miss you!!) to be next to you when you're watching. This ain't no kidding. For the time being, i have no bf, no sister by my side, i just have to continue pretending that i'm having flu. I don't want my parents to think that i'm insane. I hate Grey's Anatomy!!

Next Destination

2010-10-16T09:58:00.001-07:00

Dear fudgie:

It's been a while i know. But I'm too busy about my studies and STUDIES!!
I'm only left with another month to prepare for my STPM.
It's like the movie 24 hours, the clock is ticking, John Bouver is running, his sweats are dripping.
In my case, I'm studying, calculating, writting non stop.
I know my goals, which not to say absurb, but kind of hard to realise.
But this is the pay-off price to get something that you want.
In fact it's the thing that i always wanted, since when...i'M 14??
And this is even better.
Athough i know people will tell me just try your best or don't think too much, or just stay silent, little that i know if i can achieve it or not.
It's a unknown.
Somehow, i can imagine it happening.
I'll fight for this.
No matter what it takes.
This is the only chance.
This is it.
It's now or never.
People who dream big but don't work hard enough to realise that do not have the right to complain about unfairness in life.
I used to blame on fate and luck.
But i won't do that again.
It's just me and you.
And i know what's the ending.
It's me smilling till the end.

Grown up?

2010-09-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

I received phone call from my aunt (yi ma) , the day after my birthday and she reminded me that i'm a big girl and going to turn 20 next year. Walao, 20. Old? Young? Somehow i always imagine that i'm still 17 or 18, i just don't feel like 19 and going to turn 20 next year. The only time that i know that i'm really a big girl is when i'm driving.

Anyway, deep down i know that i'm not that young and childish girl anymore. Bear used to say that i'm childish when we're 17. I once asked her:" Do i really have a deep relationship to get mature?" Feel like slapping myself for asking that dumb question. Now, i can answer my own question. No, you don't need that to be mature. Anyhow, if you meet somebody who suit you and mature, you are going to learn much from him. Or you should get some lessons in life. Although mostly the pain of falling down are unbearable, but it's the courage and determine to stand up and stay strong that make you mature. Smooth sailing life is not a life.

I like the feeling of missing you. It makes me feel like you never left. People come and go. For some friendship that i've treasured but i know it's vanishing, because of why i'm not sure, but i wish you the best of luck all the time. For all the people that once in my life, care for me, but now due to some factors we're maybe not even friends, aquintances maybe or even stranger, thank you. Sincerely. For those who still bonded with me, i hope this will last. For last 2 years, i get to know a lot of things, including those u treat them like real friends but turn their back when you need them or only find me to get some benifits. It's sad but it's good i think, to get to know. Okay, I'm goin to sleep soon. Thanks for not available tonight, so that i can have time to write to my lovely fudgie. Finger crossed, hoping you're going to have a great week. xoxo.

So near yet so far

2010-09-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

Dear fudgie:

I always know what's my dream, what's my goal and who i'm. I'm that kinda girl that know what i want and do everything it takes and leads to my goals. Maybe sometimes i'm too confident in myself and people often misjugde me as arrogant. Well, maybe it's true. haha..Well, you cannot blame me for this as since i was a child i have been treated unfairly in primary schools. That's why since then, i told myself to be super good in everything.

Since in secondary school, i told myself that i have to get straight a's in every public examinations. So that i can see the proud face and the pride in my parents. I'd study really hard and yup, i did it. I told myself that i have to get a chance to goto Japan as student exchange. And i did it, better still, it was FOC. I told myself that i've to get JPA scholarship so that my parents won't have to pay a penny for my tertiary education. Anyway, it's their hard-earned money, why should they spent it on me? I prefer they use that money to go for vacation or something else. However, fair lady is not by my side this time, i didn't get it. I'm stubborn, as all my friends know about that, and i take the challenge, STPM. I told myself that i'm gonna rock my STPM and get my much-coveted chance to study overseas. Studying overseas is my dream since dinasour is still on this earth.

Time flies, and the cliche' "like a blink oy eye" , STPM trial come and goes. And i done badly. Really bad. I've never been studied till so hard and this is the worst results that i've get in my entire life. My superior aim is to get 4 flat in my STPM. Right now, it's like a vapour, vaporising into thin air. When i get my chemistry results, there's a fire in me that told me ' jiawen, seriously study hard from now on and show to others who you really are and what are you capable of.' When i told others, i expect the same from their mouth. " You can do it in real STPM, come on, don't worry so much!!" Should i not be worrying? I doubt.

I often live in other people's expectation. And the most important is i always live under my expectation. I expect myself to be good, excellent and great. I want to live the life and achieve whatever i've promised myself. But can i achieve everyone of those? I hate to say that i doubt actually. Please, give me some guidance give me some luck and i really need it right now. Finger crossed, please let me live the life that i want. Seriously.

Birthday!! Happy? Absolutely.

2010-08-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

Dear fudgie:

Abondoned my math, here i am again. I HAVE AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY EVER!! It's actually last week, where i do not have the slight expectation because the trial examination was the next day. Knowing very well that nobody is going to celebrate it with me, i did not fantasice a surprise and continued memorising those hateful facts. Another sad thing is, i did not accept the phone call or even a text of birthday wishes from the person that i wished to receive the most. I'm almost devastated:(

Just when I'm at the verge of giving up my paper1 pa, i received an unexpected visit from a dear friend, shiarn feen!! She even brought a small chocolate moose and a present!! I was so so surprised and i almost kissed her..haha..That's the first surprise.

After our biology tuition, when i was paying the tuition fees, i saw inlu peeking from the kitchen and the next thing, i saw kuei ping and wei chen carrying a piece of secret recipe's cake, lighted with candle and sang the birthday song. Awwwww, that's so sweet you know. Normally it's me who plan all these things but when that's dedicated for me, i just did not know how to response and all i can do was laughed. And when i take a closer look, it's Tiramisu, my all time favourite! Thanks again my cute friends. That was the second surprise.

Around ten pm, when i decided to dizzy myself by filling in those poisonous pa facts, i received a call and that's the third surprise. This surprise i decided to keep to me and myself only for which it's too valueble and i just want it to be just between me and the special one. Sorry fudgie:) You just have to know that i'm blessed, overwhelmed and HAPPY. That's officially my favourite and the most happy day in my life. Ever.

Then the long and suffering exam week was finally over. I'm quite amazed with myself where i had to deal with stress, sadness, pain all in one week. There was actually time i broke down and curled myself up in bed. Nah, it's not because of exam, it's of something personal. But just so you know, i'm cool again fudgie, so no worries:) And here comes the fourth surprise. Thursday, when i thought jia jia and jane were keeping their promise to accompany me though the night, so i thought we were going for a girls' night. When i walked out of the street, suddenly, a group of people just running towards me, shouting and laughing. I couldn't recognise any of them as my visions was blurred with all the pop-up ribbons which are all over my hair and body. SURPRISE!! They were actually my form 6 gang of friends!!! I was tearing and touched when i saw kuei ping holding a cake with candles lighted!!!! After that we had a lovely dinner at pizza hut and a supper at oriental cafe. They even bought me a box of The Body Shop stuff which i adore so so much. Thanks again my friends!!

I'm so so blessed for which i can celebrate my birthday this year with my beloved ones. Thanks for everything and here i am, once again, finger crossed, hoping that my birthday next year will be a blast and i'll have the chance to celebrate it with my love ones:) Birthday..happy? Absolutely.

眼泪笑了

2010-07-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

比想象中更痛
你真的没回头
我命令眼泪不许失控
回忆不跟你走
都挤在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

我眼泪都笑了
谁还想哭呢
再勇敢地站着
找回光和热
面对你的时候
我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客
因为路有些曲折是美的

心碎成了沙漠
就快开凿绿洲
我没有时间不知所措
你温柔的双手
本就不属于我
又何必在乎它以后属于谁呢
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

眼泪都笑了
谁还会哭呢
来不及完美的
就唱首骊歌
想起你的时候
我不是卑微的
反而我没有遗憾
因为我已爱过你
深深的

It's more than enough

2010-07-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Dear fudgie:

Fudgie, you're the only solace that i can only rely on. I have a terrible week. I'm not those teenagers that get moody or sad because of trivial issues. So many problems, spinning in my mind that make me feel dizzy. In fact i really start to have headsche nowadays, which i never had so frequent in my life. Peoples, letting me down. Study, never done within my scedule. Flu and cough, never leave me alone. What the heck!!

Is it me that ask too much from you? I do not know. I feel like shouting out loud right now, in the second minute, i feel in broking down and just curl myself in a corner. I miss my friends, i miss those understanding that i used to have. Everyday i talk like it's nobody business and laugh like nobody's there. However those things, those people won't leave me alone. They keep on repeating, like a vicious cycle.

I do not like the new me. I've tried to hold back myanger for so many times. Keep on telling myself not to burst out because it will only make things worst. I hate that. I feel like slapping myself everytime i did that. I feel like i'm a culprit, a loser, a weaker, which i'm definately not. This is the confidence that i've in myself. I do not care if anyone are discussing about me about this point, but i do care when people that i care did this. It's really more than enough. I'll stop being a loser and i will only care for things that i only care and care the hell for those who're not deserved.

I'm finger-crossed for lili, the most precious one that i care and love the most in the earth, that everything is going to be alright and problem-free. Whatever life throws at you, you know that you'll have me and my support :)

同手同脚

2010-07-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

还记得小小年纪
松开我的手迷失的你
在人群里看见你
一边哭泣手还握着冰淇淋
有时候难过生气
你总有办法逗我开心
依然清晰回忆里
那些曾经有笑有泪的光阴
我们的生命先后顺序
在同个温室里
也是存在在这个世界
唯一的唯一

未来的每一步一脚印
踏着彼此梦想前进
路上偶尔风吹雨淋
也要握紧你的手心
未来的每一步一脚印
相知相惜相依为命
别忘记之间的约定
我会永远在你身边陪着你现在我唱的这首歌曲
给我最亲爱的 lili
在我未来生命之旅
要和你同手同脚同地走下去

Blanked

2010-07-09T10:26:00.000-07:00

I've read a very inspiring book titled: The diary of a young girl : Anne Frank. I'll soon write a blog about that later on. In her diary, she named her diary 'Kitty' and made her diary very personal and lively. I love that. So, from now on, i will name mine 'fudgie' .

Dear fudgie:

(As my title goes) I'm so confused and puzzled nowadays. Many things and events happenned recently and i realised something. Somehow, i think differently from others. Is that a bad thing? It's like my objective of life, my thinking, my behaviour to some people are adsurb, ridiculous, unbelieveable and unconsiderate and wrong. I'm really frustrated because somehow i believe that i'm not wrong. After all the dramas in my life, i learn to be considerate, i learn to put myself in others shoes and think twice (or more than that) before i do or talk. The thing is, when i tihnk in route A, people think in route B. So when i done it by route A instead of B, people are sad, disappointed in me. I want to clear things but it's always not a good timing. Why is this happenning to me. Sometimes i want to shout out :"HEY, THIS IS WHAT I'M THINKIN!! GET IT?? STOP MISUNDERSTANDING ME!!"

Sometimes i tend to think, okay, this is me. This is my way of doing things and thinking. Is either you get it or not. If you know me well, you'll understand that i do not think in that way and i will not act that. If i really did something unpleasant, i'm not stupid and irrational. It must be for a reason. If you confront me, i will appreaciate it because this shows that you care. If you just let it die of like that, that's the end of the story. I'm being nice and considerate but somehow i do not know why people will interprate it as harsh and disappointing. So do you wish that everytime when i wanna be nice i'll utter it out loud? Latest example: When i'm talking to A, A seems tired and not in mood for talking. Immediately i sensed that and try to talk on another topic you'll be interest with. Oh, you're not. It seems like you are really not in mood. Naturally, i advised you to rest well so that we can have a nice conversation next time. HOWEVER, to A, i'm ....................you fill in the blank. And now, i'm totally blanked.

seasonings of life

2010-04-10T00:37:00.000-07:00

I can't recall when is the last time i wrote a blog. The truth is, i realise i will only have the notion to write one when i have a special feeling. The unusual one. There are several times where i wished that i have my laptop beside me so that i can expres all my thoughts by depicting it in a blog.

My days are the same, routine nowadays. I can't define it as monotonous because somehow i like it. Everyday it is the same. School, homework, laughing, eating, screaming.........it keeps on repeating, repeating and repeating. I won't define it as monotonous, because somehow, i enjoy it, i like it. I love it. It is easy, predictable, and smooth. Ironically, i'm not this kind of person that like this kinda life. I used to love surprises, i joined any competition that i could, because i like to perform myself, and try as hard as possible to savour the taste of victory. I enjoy trips, as it is a perfect deviation off my routine life. Compared to last year, where i'd experienced so many events, embedded myself in different kinds of emotions: tragic, love, betrayal, difficulties in making the ultimate choice, sad, happiness, sorrow, excitement, novelty, confusion, seperation..........each event left me with different impacts, which actually altered my thoughts and behaviour.

Life is just so boring without seasonings, but i guess mine are finishing. A part of me like the original taste of it as it is a novelty to me. You will get bored or even sick if you have too much of pepper or salts in your bowl. Not to mention perservatives which false the taste and bad for your health. I do not need that at this moment. No matter what life offers me in future, chilli or garlic, i can take it. For now on, i'm finger-cross and hope that the original taste that i've chosen is a good choice.

chinese new year?

2010-02-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year is consider to be the biggest event of the year. For once, it used to be like that. I keep on recall the chinese new year that i used to have in my childhood, for it was filled with joy and happiness.

Reunion Dinner is suppose to be merry, it's the preparation that i enjoy the most. All those moms busy chatting as they cook, all dads chatting non-stop from politics to economics. For us, kids, we gamble, we play games, well, just to name a few. But this year, i'm totally moodless for the cny. We are not having reunion dinner with uncle and his family as usual. Da ke is in dubai fro training, Er le is at US studying. It was so so so so Boring......Mama is not here anymore. i miss her so much, as i used to have mama with us during cny. Chinese New Year is never the same anymore. Some how i missed last year's reunion dinner. Although mama just passed away at that time, but all of us were there. Though all of us were sad and mourn, but all of us were united at that moment. Comfort each other and care of everyone. I missed that moment so badly. Well, my family had our reunion dinner in kuala krai this year. Somehow, it's not the same as billy, my favourite cousin went to England, studying.Haiz.....what a year....

I do not know why, but i begin to dislike cny right now. Right now, cny means trying your very best to dig back all the memorable moments and act like your're having them right now. I hate it. Somehow i started to hate visiting as everyone asked you the same thing and you reply them the same thing. Oh yea, and those aunty will compare you with their son or relatives. How i wish that i can shout at them, asking them to shut up. I know that i'm blessed enought for i can spent my cny with my family while some can't. For now, i just wish that everyone that i care and miss who are in foreign country, not able to come back for cny are doing good and fine. Once again, i'm finger crossed that the reunion dinner that i wish for will come true next year. Happy CNY? I guess not.

A year has passed..

2010-01-21T04:11:00.000-08:00

A year has passed, and yet i still miss granny involuntary and sometimes i found myself murmuring to her. Tell her about problems that i'm facing, and asked for her guidance. Although mama( that's how i address her) had passed away exactly one year, the image of her, all the wisdom and advice she once told me, all those memories that i had with her did not wane and yet as clearly and vivid as it just happenned yesterday.

Since i was a kid, granny is my idol. She may not be well-educated, but her wisdom of life is even more better than many educated people. Preserverance is the most important value of life that i've learned from mama. She told me about how they survive through second world war. Although it was just a brief description, i can tell the fear and the pain. She was just at my age at that time. If it's me, for sure i cannot deal with that. My grandpa died young, leaving mama as a widow with 3 children. She was a strict mum. And granny. Since small, all of us were scolded, hit hard when we done something wrong. I still remember how fierce she was when she found out that i sneaked out and buy cold beverage. She used to restain me from cold drinks as it's bad for health.

Until she met the accident, and her arm was in pain everyday due to nervous disorder. I used to helped her to sort of 'massage' it, hoping it would ease her pain. There's one day, she suddenly 'cubit' me and i jumped in shock and screamed in pain. She smiled and said " that's the pain that i endure every night. "

She suffered the pain of her hand for about 5 years i think. There's times where she uttered words like " let me die and free me from the pain". I used to scold her and told her not to even have the notion in her mind. I reminded her how blessed she was as all of us love her, care about her. However, sometimes i think that i'm selfish as it's me myself who could not let her go, the slight imagination about her leaving us made my tears streamming down my cheek.

Mama, i knew that you died in peace. You waited tjun came, sat beside you and then only you let go. Till now, i still condemn myself why didn't i try my best to listen what you're murmuring that night, the last night i was with you, the last night you're in this world. Anyhow, every now and then, i can feel that you're still with us. Well, I cannot explain that. Sometimes when i wanna buy a coke, your voice will ring in my mind. Honestly, i love it and miss it so much.

I promise you that i 'll become a person that you'll proud of and happy for me high up from heaven, under the arm of God. Preserverance that you have shown me mould me into who i'm today. However, sometimes it's too competitive and stubborn in a bad way. Hee...

In 'Tuesday with Morrie", it's written that one is not entirely died even he was dead. The compassion and love that you once radiate is still with us, with the entire family. Even one year passed, all of us still miss you and the love is ceaceless. You're forever in my heart mama..Love you.

Tuesday With Morrie

2010-01-11T01:51:00.001-08:00

In the beginning of this new year, the brand new 2010, i accidentaly found this novel, Tuesday with Morrie in the library. The front page is simple, the title is more than usual, and not as thick as the usual novel that i used to read.. However, my eyes beamed with delight when i saw this novel and grabbed it immediately. Bear once told me that this novel is superb and mind-provoking. hmm, this is something i would like to read about, leave alone all those teary romance that Nicholas Sparks brought me that i had enough during the holistic holiday.

Once i came back from school, i immediately online to check my muet grade. Well, the goverment should really improve their internet system as the line is so damn slow. After a few attempts, i gave up and checked thru message. One thing that i hate about checking thru message is that i hate those disappointments that it once brought. JPA, matrics, I HAD ENOUGH. However, it's not satisfy, it still struck me, without further alarms, and leave me alone in dismal. Oh shit, it's not the grade that i expected. All those four letter words are circling around my mind, not to spit it out because of my mother was just beside me.

One thing that i hate myself is that i always have a standard, expectation in myself. So, i'll make sure that i work hard to reach my target, not to regret after that. And i'm competitive in a negative way, i like to compare myself with other people. That makes me work harder, to win whatever race and competition which i put myself into. When i win of course, you'll see me laugh, not to express it in front if everyone, but deep down, i'm savouring the taste of joy and satisfaction that success offer. When i didn't make it, i'll get teary and condemn God for being unfair. On my second thought, i'll start to think why it goes wrong, but the second thought just seldom appear in my mind.

After reading Tuesday With Morrie yesterday, i actually get something. Here's my favourite part.

"What i'm doing now, is detaching myself from experience. Learn to detach. Like Buddhists say, don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Let the experiance penetrate you fully, That's how you are able to leave it. "

"Take an emotion, fear, pain. If you hold back on the emotions- if you don't allow yourself to go all the wat though them, you can never get being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, afraid of the grief, afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. "

"But by throwing yourself into these emotion, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. And only then you can say 'All right. I have experience that emotion. I recognise that emotion. Now i need to detach from that emotioni for a moment. "

"Same for loneliness, you let go, let the tears flow, don't hold it, let it flow completely-but eventually be able to say," All right, that was my moment with loneliness.I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now i'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and i'm going to experience them as well"

Thanks Prof. Morrie Schwartz for all those provoking ideas.
Thanks Mr. Mitch Albom for writting this incredible book and give your readers a chance to understands the simplicity beyond life's complexities.

The summary of 2009

2009-12-13T09:16:00.000-08:00

It's 1.17 a.m right now. Somehow, my eyes are getting sleepier but i know very well the moment that i lie on the bed, my mind will go wild and it wouldbe endless again. Jia Li is having her last spm paper tomorrow, chinese. Thinking about last year, i was probabaly in Japan last year at this time, at Kinan, Osaka with my host family. I truly had a wonderful time there.

Within a month, it will be another new year, 2010. I wonder how time can passed really, just like a blink of eye. Think back, what have i actually done this solid year? I'm 18 this year, this year suppose to be fun, to be memorable, to be insane. Like when i'm 80 and i can told my grandchildren that ' yea, granny used to have or do that when i'm 18'. But am i?

At the very beginning of this year, i had gone through a very hard time. My granny died on 21st Jan. When daddy told me that i'm needed to goto kl to take care of granny because she's hospitalised, i was so frantic and wished that i was there beside her immediately. yea, i still remember that clearly. Thank God that give me this chance to take care and spend time with her and i was beside her, accompanied her thru her final night in this world. Although all of us are in deep grive, but deep down i'm happy that she didn't have to suffer anymore. Thanks for xx who was always there for me at the very moment, and also my friends that supported me.

Then, it's Feb and i was getting my car licence at the time. I became kakak in my house. I take care of all the house work, i cooked meal and etc etc. I'm so useless at that time that there are actually times where i stared and listened to the cloak ticking. Imagine that.

March. I got my spm result. I was over the moon at the moment and excited to go to serve my national service. My time in ns was never a dull moment. Wonderful friendship had been forged there. Kai jeck, lichen, bikun, sin yee, a sek, bean yao, mei yun.....oo..i miss you guys so so much!! Even though sometimes it's tiring and felt like giving up,thanks to xx who never fails to keep me accompanied and also my parents who are so worried about me and try to make everything possible to make me more comfortable. Endless additional food supply. haha. Yup, i did did some insane stuff while i'm serving my ns..hahahaha..That's the happiest time in my life i believe.

After my ns, here comes the toughest decision. Form 6 versus A level. i had did so many research, listened to opinion, balancing all the pro and con of both parties and finally, i'm in white shirt and blue dress, appeared in smch again. Till now, i never regret that i've chosen form 6 as my choice. Everyday, my mind is fullly loaded with chem, bio and that bloody math. Same routine everyday, school, eat, tuition, study, sleep and 'puff'---HOLIDAY!! and my boredom started.

I went to kl to celebrate bear's birthday on 4 dec. It was a blast. All of us enjoyed ourselves so much and themost important is bear's happy with all the surprises and her birthday celebration. After came back to kb, i have to do my homework, do some revision thati hated the most but what to do, i wanna get good grades that enable me to study overseas after stpm. it's my dream and i have to wark hard. no short-cuts. haiz.....

2 more weeks and i'm going to Bangkok with uncle's family. I'm kind of excited for that trip as firstly da ke is going too and i can't recall when is the last time i talked to him, hopefully can have some good memories with him in that trip. Second, do i really have to mention about it? Bangkok is a paradise for shopping, are you kidding me? ?? Haha..

My eyes are heavier than ever right now. Again, i'm finger crossed, hope that jiali and jia yi will be alright for their chinese paper tomorrow and my Bangkok trip will be a blast. And i'll miracally find my lost math notes.

Joy and Excitement

2009-12-02T07:40:00.001-08:00

it's been a while since i updated my blog. To be honest, i completely forgotten my blog'd user name just now. I have to google myself. I started to suspect myself of getting short term memory.

Well, it's December. Last year when it approached December, I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement. Joy was that my SPM was over. We had our last paper, Account on 1st of dec if i'm not mistaken. Excitement is that i was going to Japan as a exchanged student on 3rd of Dec. Now, my sis are having the same trials and problems as i faced last year, but theirs are far more exciting. they are flood to worry about. I bet this would be a very good experience for them!! I still vividly remember when i had finished my account paper and waited the time to past and my SPM was finally over. That time, i thought that this was the very last time thati will appear in this school as a student in uniform. Well, who knows here i am, once again, as a form 6 student. i've taken the path to study form 6 and till now there's no turning back and i'm certainly not regret of the choice that i've made.

Excitement. The excitement that the Japan trip was simply AWESOME. I've actually learnt a lot of things there which cannot be explain verbally. It's that my perpective had changed and I know deep down, i have changed somehow, in a better way of course. And for sure, i had so so SO SO much fun there, many friendship had forged there, now i had friends from other states in malaysia and other countries, Aussie, Canada, India Phil and thailand. Oww, i miss them so so much. Emily, Jonrey, Toei, Tamara, Ellen, Katrina ...i just can't list down everybody here.. the list is too long. Hope that life is treating them well.

In 2 more days i will goto kl to meet bear them. It's been a while from our last gathering. Till now i still can't believe that we are actually having our own life and our own path, circle of friend, way of lifes and bla bla. Sometimes i will kind of worry for them , especially some of them who are having some relationship problems. How i wish that i could be there to maybe listen to them and slap those bastard. Hope that life treating them well too.

Once again, finger-crossed for everyone that i appreciate are in good condition may God bless them.

I'm back!!

2009-09-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

After days of consideration, finally i've chosen blogspot as my page to write my blog. Don't know why my stupid computer rejected blogspot after i've written my first blog there. So aat my wit's end, i've written blogs in my space. I've copied them in the pages as I want to save them here. Thought that i've written so many blogs in one day within a few seconds? No way!

Well, out of boredom, i've searched 4sc2 in youtube and watched all the videos about our performance in bakat chung hwa when we was in 4sc2, 2 years ago. Aww..i really miss those time man!! It's like we didn't have to study at all. We discussed, practised,( half playing and fooling around) for all the competition eg. pesta bahasa, and the lyrics competition. I still remember the time where we complained about those boy's absenties in our practised, evil bear and me laughing at those who made mistakes in our dikir practiced, just to name a few. Thanks for wei nee for uploading those videos in youtube so that the memories are always fresh in our minds. We even practised in the gotong royong day while all of us were cleaning the windows!! Oh yea, the video of the champ and gj's group sang 'bei pan' by Gary. Champ, you never listened to our advise at all. You still stubornly wanna try out your high pitch. Haiz..It reminds me of those good days when all of us enjoyed singing in our class, especially champ, jing and yan shan. Aww..miss them so much~ Do you guys still remember about the 'Spagetti' song? HAHA..

For now, i just hope that all of us can gather together at least once a year in our favourite place~KENNY!! Oh yea..and our promise-TOMATINA!! omg..now i remember that we've forgotten to send each others the red letter!! Again, i'm finger-crossed, hoping that the promise that we've made will come true...somehow in the year 2014. You know what i mean. Long live 5sc2!!

23.08.2009

2009-09-28T04:28:00.000-07:00

It was indeed a typical tiring yet happy day.

Rainbow, ping, wei chen, beh, xin jie, cheng wei and I were supposed to meet at school before we went to do our advertisement at 9.30 a.m sharp. Who knows that bulu, (sorry cheng wei) was so so late and when all of us were going to scold him, beh reminded us that we can’t do so because he was the driver and we were going to use his car.(Avanza ma..all of us can squeezed in it) Okay. Fine. Then, the two ‘gentlemen’ said that they are hungry, so all of us acc them to have breakfast. Okay. Fine. After that, the advertisement journey began.

I never thought that asking those businessmen to place their advertisement in our magazine was this HARD. All of us were walking under the tremendous hot sun and kept on asking from shop to shop. Majority of them told us that the boss is not in. Please la, we are no longer kids okay. You sit there with your leg-crossed and you told me that you’re not the boss? Some of them said not enough budget. One of them even told me to come next time. Funny, isn’t it? Anyway, we also managed to get some of the shops to sponsor us, you know, we are talented and our communication skills are just excellent. Haha..except for the two guys. Xin jie and Cheng wei went to a shop and asked for sponsor but came out in vain. After that we went in and came out with cash. Well, life is just unfair. It’s better for both of them to realize this. You can imagine their faces and expression that time. There were some times that all of us were exhausted and have zero energy to go on, however, the sheer mention of the ‘pikutong wat’ (A temple in tumpat with a funny name that we had planned to visit after finished doing our advertisement) freshen us and continued our work. Eventually, we still managed to get RM1835 if I’m not mistaken.

Next, we went to the wat. We had our lunch there as Xin jie, hau heong and cheng wei kept on assuring us to eat there. Well, the porridge and rice there are super cheep and stingy is their inhered behaviors. Besides, I was attacked by numerous dogs there!! I was horrified and they were laughing at me. Not to mention other people who were having lunch there too!! It was so embarrassing. After the terrifying lunch, we were able to snap a few pictures in the temple before it started to rain. After we prayed, we left.

At first, we were planning to go to Pantai Sri7 as it was just miles away from the temple. However, because of time-constrain, we cancelled it and went to Tesco. The scenery along the road was so beautiful as the colour contrast between the blue sky and the yellowish green paddy field was so significant. So, we decided to take a few photos there. We still able to kind of borrow a cow from a pak cik for our photo shoots. Chatting and laughers never ceased in the car along our journey.

After a short visit in the Tesco, we had our lunch in Pizza hut. Surprisingly, they had bought a lovely cake for me without my acknowledgement as a belated birthday celebration for me! It was so so sweet!! The brilliant Xin jie placed the candle horizontally around my cake and my cake became a fire ball in a sudden. Thanks for the wild idea Xin jie!!! Because of the puasa period, there merely a few customer in the pizza hut. Despite of the hunger that overwhelming them, the workers in Pizza hut were so kind that they sang the birthday song with us and helped us to clean the tables and even helped us to snap some photos. Stupid Hau Heong even bluffed me that I must licked the icing on the cake as a good start of my 18th birthday. And I was even stupid to believe him!! We had so much fun there. Thank you my friends!!!

Lastly, we went to our math tuition with a tired body and empty mind. Till now, I still couldn’t recall what was taught yesterday at the lesson.

To be honest, at first I didn’t think that my birthday could be this happy without my besties around.Although it was not my real birthday yesterday, I considered it was. To my surprise, I received a birthday card from bear and yee wen today!! Thanks to all my friends who wished me thru hp and facebook and not to forget all of you who gave me a memorable birthday yesterday. Love you guys so so much~~

August 13 Human Nature

2009-09-28T04:27:00.000-07:00

I think it's human nature that people are just not satisfy and complain non-stop about his or her life. We often think that God is not fair, how unlucky we are and the list goes on. Including me.

I still remember last year, i'm so sure that i'm not stepping into school for form 6 after i finished SPM. But who knows, here i'm, wearing the stupid uniform with my curly hair and go to school from dawn till dusk. It's super tiring that we have to stay at school for that long. Class till 2 pm is already killing me and now..*!#$%#$!@$%!! How can i excel in STPM as i completely unmoveable after 4 p.m? i still got tuition classes la tai lou!
Not to forget we still have to abide by all the pervert school rules that i had already can't stand anymore. And those teacher and prefect are really hardworking. They can't give themselves a break and carry out spotchecks on the most suitable time for our hair, nails socks and so on. It's really @#%^@#%^@$%@#$&^Y@$%^!!

When i told this to my friends who are already studying in college or having matriculation, they will assure me that actually they are just the same, the same scholling hours and so on. Some still say that i ought to appreciate time with my parents and bla bla bla. They even told me how much they wish to stay here. After seconds thoughts, i think they are right. But i still can't help myself not to complain my form 6 life and envy them who are out there. Again, it's human nature that i envy your life and you envy mine. Now, all i can do is just finger-crossed, hope that one day, i can write a blog to tell you guys that how much i love my form 6 life.

'ka wun'..that's how she called me.

2009-09-28T04:26:00.000-07:00

To be honest, i consider myself to be very lucky. I never had any stroms or major hardship in my life (apart from the endless exams that streesed me like hell. However, at the begining of 2009, it came. My grandma passed away.

My grandma is nothing like an ordinary grandma. Since i was young, Jia Li and i used to goto Kertih and visited grandma and had fun with da ke, er ke and Jia Yi. Sometimes, they came to kb and visited us too. We used to wake up early in the morning and cycled, while grandma was practicing her tai-chi. I still remember how we pleaded grandma to teach us tai-chi but ended up we made fun of it. Well, we were just a kid at that time. oh yea, she enjoyed planting fruits. Till now, i still mesmerising her papaya.

However, uncle's family encountered an awful accident in 2003, if i'm not mistaken. Grandma's hand was broken and since then, she was suffering the pain as a result of the damage in her nervous system. She was crying almost every night. It was more than heart- wrenching seeing her suffering like this. I'm not pretending to be wise, but you never know how bad i wished that i'm the one who suffered the pain. After that accident, the time we had together was waning of cause, since she couldn't came to kb so frequently. I still remember the time when we talked thru phone and she told me that she told her neighbour that she was very happy to have a very good granchild in kb who cared about her and phoned her everytime. However, every conversation couldn't be very long because of the pain.

Lucky for me, grandma came to kb in 2006, when i just finished my pmr. I followed and accompanied her whenever she went, to our relative house, to meet her old friends, to the chang sheng xue. At that period, i really enjoyed spending times with her. She told me many things including her past, the awful days of the second world war, my dad's, my uncle's and my aunt's childhood, including their lovelifes! That was the time when i spent most of the time with her.

I still vividly remembered that night where dad came to me with a frantic face. He said that we had to goto kl asap coz grandma was hospitalised. When i saw her in the hospital, i was stunned. She was so so thin and had to depend on the oxygen mask. I cried. I went to the hospital everyday to take care of her. Sometimes i had to overnight in the hospital to make sure that she's okay. However, her situatuion was deteriorating and had to go for an operation where the chance was only 50-50. I was so so worried and all of us cried so badly but we had still forced ourselves to smile and said 'everything is gonna be alright' to granny so that she's not scared of the surgery. Well, luckly, she made it. After few nights in the ICU, she had moved to the normal rooms. I was very happy for the first time and started to think on the bright side. The night of 20 th May, i acompanied her overnight in the hospital. She looked into my eyes and started murmuring. I could see that she was trying very hard to tell me something.But i couldn't understand a word as it was too blurry. I kept on persuading her not to talk first and sget some rest as she was too tired and sleepy and told her to tell me in the morning. The next morning, the doctor said that grandma was getting better and we could feed her food like porridge. The nurse even taught me how to feed her milk via the tubes as she said we had to do it everyday onwards. About 12 p.m, i left the hospital and had some rest in my uncle's house. 'Jia Wen, wake up and get dressed quickly!!' er ke woke me up and shouted. I was puzzled and asked him why. Then, he delivered me the last news that i wanted to hear-my granma had passed away.

Jia Yi and I were crying sliently on the way to the hospital. When i saw my grandma, the mixed feeling was totally undescribable. She was not the same when i last seeing her. She was not answering me like she usually did when i called her. I can't continue to write and think back all the things that happened next. I missed her so so badly and i really wanted to know what she wanted to tell me that night. Anyway, i think that i'm blessed that i'm beside her on her last night in this world. Granma, i just want to say that i will miss u and love you always. I will become a person that you'll be proud of and happy for me high up from the heaven.

just thought of mine (5 aug)

2009-09-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

it's been ages for me to write a new blog. My stupid computer rejects blogspot and i don't know why.I just need a place for me to write or voice out!!To be honest, many had changed within this year..half of this year, to be precise. I still remember how we complaint about the boring and monotonuos holiday, the period where we waited for our spm results. KB mall was as if my second house that time. oh yeah, i got my driving licence by that time too, After that, i went to national service. When i first reached there, i was filled with endless doubt and uncertainties. And i miss Elaine, Bear, Ying, Rainbow and everyone so so much. I had lots of fun there actually. I meet with some crazy people there, Bikun, Xinyi, Gim Aik, Welly, Kai jack and had an awesome time there. I miss the time where we rushed to watch our one and only entertainment, aec's 'The Golden Path', every moments when we ate, chatted and laughed together. AWWW..miss them so so much~

Okay, enough for the national service. Let's start with my form 6 life. Honestly, till now i can't believe that i'm studying form 6. At first everything was fine, till one saturrday noon, bear phoned me and told me a super bad news- she's leaving kb and going to study in mmu, malacca. You know what, i was so appalled, my mind is blanked and the next thing i know was my tears streaming down. Well, i really can't get used to life without bear. You see, bear, elaine, guo jing, ying, zuhao, all my friends are gone for good. i'm actually stuck in the same place where i used to have them around me, where we had all the happy moments. Anyway, God is quite fair to me, where i still have ping, jane and rainbow with me..haha..

Form 6 life is nothing but monotonuos and boring. i do the same thing everyday. EVERYDAY! Goto school, tuition, study. That's all. There's a time where i finally broke down wondering why i had to have such life. Anyway, life still goes on and time won't stop for me to doubt my life. Start from the beginning, i told myself that i wanna get excellent results, 4 flat if possible and get to NUS. But now, form 6 school hours end at 4 pm. Can you imagine that?? that's disasterous!! now, i just hope that i'm strong enough to live succh life...........

Just my luck

2009-05-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the very first blog of mine. Actually i have the intention to start a blog, especially during my trip as a student exchange in japan. hmm, maybe i'll write one blog about my fantastic trip in Japan.

Okay, it's continue my topic today. I mean where's my luck? At this moment, i am thinking that all my lucks in my entire life had been used up. Or, do i really have any luck? Maybe i'm a 100% luck-less people. Oh, how pathetic i'm.

This morning, i checked my results for my reappeal matriculation. Again, i got the same result. 'Dukacita dimaklumkan anda tidak berjaya.' Actually i don't put high hopes in it, even if i really get it i also not sure whether i'm going for it. But still, my spm result is not that good like straight a 1, but it's not that bad at least i get straight As. i think that i had applied for about ten sholarship but all in vain. At least you give me a matriculation right? Just show me that i'm not that bad luck. Currently i'm studying in form 6. Form 6 is not that bad actually but what makes me worry is that i'm afraid that it's too tough for me and i can't cope with it. Everyone keep on assuring me with ' if you think you can, you can ' and etc but nah, deep down, i'm still worrying. I never think that choosing your own path could be this difficult. Anyway, is form 6 my choice? Not really actually. No jpa scholarship, no matriculation, what's left is form 6. College? nah. i'm still not that mature for it. Besides, other people pay rm 10000++ for A-level but i only paid rm 100 for form 6.

Till now, i am still wondering about the same moot ques. Where's my luck? I never win anything in a lucky draw, teachers hate me, i always fall down, i look terrible everyday(thanks to my hair), well, the list is endless.

Anyhow, there's still remnants of my luck. I have a 'magnum' dad, a ever-so-cute mom, (i'm kinda reluctant to include my sis but she'll freak out if i don't,so..) my cute and pretty sis. I have plenty of great friends who i truly appreciate. The best damn thing that ever happenned to me was i got the chance to goto japan for two solid weeks as a an exchange student for FREE. haha.

Still, the bad part of my life outweigh the good ones. I heard about the law of universe( i'm not sure about the name ) which states that if you think positively, you'll get the positive result. So now, i'm finger-crossed, hoping for my obsure luck will appear SOON.