Birthday!! Happy? Absolutely.

Dear fudgie:

Abondoned my math, here i am again. I HAVE AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY EVER!! It's actually last week, where i do not have the slight expectation because the trial examination was the next day. Knowing very well that nobody is going to celebrate it with me, i did not fantasice a surprise and continued memorising those hateful facts. Another sad thing is, i did not accept the phone call or even a text of birthday wishes from the person that i wished to receive the most. I'm almost devastated:(

Just when I'm at the verge of giving up my paper1 pa, i received an unexpected visit from a dear friend, shiarn feen!! She even brought a small chocolate moose and a present!! I was so so surprised and i almost kissed her..haha..That's the first surprise.

After our biology tuition, when i was paying the tuition fees, i saw inlu peeking from the kitchen and the next thing, i saw kuei ping and wei chen carrying a piece of secret recipe's cake, lighted with candle and sang the birthday song. Awwwww, that's so sweet you know. Normally it's me who plan all these things but when that's dedicated for me, i just did not know how to response and all i can do was laughed. And when i take a closer look, it's Tiramisu, my all time favourite! Thanks again my cute friends. That was the second surprise.

Around ten pm, when i decided to dizzy myself by filling in those poisonous pa facts, i received a call and that's the third surprise. This surprise i decided to keep to me and myself only for which it's too valueble and i just want it to be just between me and the special one. Sorry fudgie:) You just have to know that i'm blessed, overwhelmed and HAPPY. That's officially my favourite and the most happy day in my life. Ever.

Then the long and suffering exam week was finally over. I'm quite amazed with myself where i had to deal with stress, sadness, pain all in one week. There was actually time i broke down and curled myself up in bed. Nah, it's not because of exam, it's of something personal. But just so you know, i'm cool again fudgie, so no worries:) And here comes the fourth surprise. Thursday, when i thought jia jia and jane were keeping their promise to accompany me though the night, so i thought we were going for a girls' night. When i walked out of the street, suddenly, a group of people just running towards me, shouting and laughing. I couldn't recognise any of them as my visions was blurred with all the pop-up ribbons which are all over my hair and body. SURPRISE!! They were actually my form 6 gang of friends!!! I was tearing and touched when i saw kuei ping holding a cake with candles lighted!!!! After that we had a lovely dinner at pizza hut and a supper at oriental cafe. They even bought me a box of The Body Shop stuff which i adore so so much. Thanks again my friends!!

I'm so so blessed for which i can celebrate my birthday this year with my beloved ones. Thanks for everything and here i am, once again, finger crossed, hoping that my birthday next year will be a blast and i'll have the chance to celebrate it with my love ones:) Birthday..happy? Absolutely.

眼泪笑了

比想象中更痛
你真的没回头
我命令眼泪不许失控
回忆不跟你走
都挤在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

我眼泪都笑了
谁还想哭呢
再勇敢地站着
找回光和热
面对你的时候
我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客
因为路有些曲折是美的

心碎成了沙漠
就快开凿绿洲
我没有时间不知所措
你温柔的双手
本就不属于我
又何必在乎它以后属于谁呢
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

眼泪都笑了
谁还会哭呢
来不及完美的
就唱首骊歌
想起你的时候
我不是卑微的
反而我没有遗憾
因为我已爱过你
深深的

It's more than enough

Dear fudgie:

Fudgie, you're the only solace that i can only rely on. I have a terrible week. I'm not those teenagers that get moody or sad because of trivial issues. So many problems, spinning in my mind that make me feel dizzy. In fact i really start to have headsche nowadays, which i never had so frequent in my life. Peoples, letting me down. Study, never done within my scedule. Flu and cough, never leave me alone. What the heck!!

Is it me that ask too much from you? I do not know. I feel like shouting out loud right now, in the second minute, i feel in broking down and just curl myself in a corner. I miss my friends, i miss those understanding that i used to have. Everyday i talk like it's nobody business and laugh like nobody's there. However those things, those people won't leave me alone. They keep on repeating, like a vicious cycle.

I do not like the new me. I've tried to hold back myanger for so many times. Keep on telling myself not to burst out because it will only make things worst. I hate that. I feel like slapping myself everytime i did that. I feel like i'm a culprit, a loser, a weaker, which i'm definately not. This is the confidence that i've in myself. I do not care if anyone are discussing about me about this point, but i do care when people that i care did this. It's really more than enough. I'll stop being a loser and i will only care for things that i only care and care the hell for those who're not deserved.

I'm finger-crossed for lili, the most precious one that i care and love the most in the earth, that everything is going to be alright and problem-free. Whatever life throws at you, you know that you'll have me and my support :)

同手同脚

还记得小小年纪
松开我的手迷失的你
在人群里看见你
一边哭泣手还握着冰淇淋
有时候难过生气
你总有办法逗我开心
依然清晰回忆里
那些曾经有笑有泪的光阴
我们的生命先后顺序
在同个温室里
也是存在在这个世界
唯一的唯一

未来的每一步一脚印
踏着彼此梦想前进
路上偶尔风吹雨淋
也要握紧你的手心
未来的每一步一脚印
相知相惜相依为命
别忘记之间的约定
我会永远在你身边陪着你现在我唱的这首歌曲
给我最亲爱的 lili
在我未来生命之旅
要和你同手同脚同地走下去

Blanked

I've read a very inspiring book titled: The diary of a young girl : Anne Frank. I'll soon write a blog about that later on. In her diary, she named her diary 'Kitty' and made her diary very personal and lively. I love that. So, from now on, i will name mine 'fudgie' .

Dear fudgie:

(As my title goes) I'm so confused and puzzled nowadays. Many things and events happenned recently and i realised something. Somehow, i think differently from others. Is that a bad thing? It's like my objective of life, my thinking, my behaviour to some people are adsurb, ridiculous, unbelieveable and unconsiderate and wrong. I'm really frustrated because somehow i believe that i'm not wrong. After all the dramas in my life, i learn to be considerate, i learn to put myself in others shoes and think twice (or more than that) before i do or talk. The thing is, when i tihnk in route A, people think in route B. So when i done it by route A instead of B, people are sad, disappointed in me. I want to clear things but it's always not a good timing. Why is this happenning to me. Sometimes i want to shout out :"HEY, THIS IS WHAT I'M THINKIN!! GET IT?? STOP MISUNDERSTANDING ME!!"

Sometimes i tend to think, okay, this is me. This is my way of doing things and thinking. Is either you get it or not. If you know me well, you'll understand that i do not think in that way and i will not act that. If i really did something unpleasant, i'm not stupid and irrational. It must be for a reason. If you confront me, i will appreaciate it because this shows that you care. If you just let it die of like that, that's the end of the story. I'm being nice and considerate but somehow i do not know why people will interprate it as harsh and disappointing. So do you wish that everytime when i wanna be nice i'll utter it out loud? Latest example: When i'm talking to A, A seems tired and not in mood for talking. Immediately i sensed that and try to talk on another topic you'll be interest with. Oh, you're not. It seems like you are really not in mood. Naturally, i advised you to rest well so that we can have a nice conversation next time. HOWEVER, to A, i'm ....................you fill in the blank. And now, i'm totally blanked.

seasonings of life

I can't recall when is the last time i wrote a blog. The truth is, i realise i will only have the notion to write one when i have a special feeling. The unusual one. There are several times where i wished that i have my laptop beside me so that i can expres all my thoughts by depicting it in a blog.

My days are the same, routine nowadays. I can't define it as monotonous because somehow i like it. Everyday it is the same. School, homework, laughing, eating, screaming.........it keeps on repeating, repeating and repeating. I won't define it as monotonous, because somehow, i enjoy it, i like it. I love it. It is easy, predictable, and smooth. Ironically, i'm not this kind of person that like this kinda life. I used to love surprises, i joined any competition that i could, because i like to perform myself, and try as hard as possible to savour the taste of victory. I enjoy trips, as it is a perfect deviation off my routine life. Compared to last year, where i'd experienced so many events, embedded myself in different kinds of emotions: tragic, love, betrayal, difficulties in making the ultimate choice, sad, happiness, sorrow, excitement, novelty, confusion, seperation..........each event left me with different impacts, which actually altered my thoughts and behaviour.

Life is just so boring without seasonings, but i guess mine are finishing. A part of me like the original taste of it as it is a novelty to me. You will get bored or even sick if you have too much of pepper or salts in your bowl. Not to mention perservatives which false the taste and bad for your health. I do not need that at this moment. No matter what life offers me in future, chilli or garlic, i can take it. For now on, i'm finger-cross and hope that the original taste that i've chosen is a good choice.

chinese new year?

Chinese New Year is consider to be the biggest event of the year. For once, it used to be like that. I keep on recall the chinese new year that i used to have in my childhood, for it was filled with joy and happiness.

Reunion Dinner is suppose to be merry, it's the preparation that i enjoy the most. All those moms busy chatting as they cook, all dads chatting non-stop from politics to economics. For us, kids, we gamble, we play games, well, just to name a few. But this year, i'm totally moodless for the cny. We are not having reunion dinner with uncle and his family as usual. Da ke is in dubai fro training, Er le is at US studying. It was so so so so Boring......Mama is not here anymore. i miss her so much, as i used to have mama with us during cny. Chinese New Year is never the same anymore. Some how i missed last year's reunion dinner. Although mama just passed away at that time, but all of us were there. Though all of us were sad and mourn, but all of us were united at that moment. Comfort each other and care of everyone. I missed that moment so badly. Well, my family had our reunion dinner in kuala krai this year. Somehow, it's not the same as billy, my favourite cousin went to England, studying.Haiz.....what a year....

I do not know why, but i begin to dislike cny right now. Right now, cny means trying your very best to dig back all the memorable moments and act like your're having them right now. I hate it. Somehow i started to hate visiting as everyone asked you the same thing and you reply them the same thing. Oh yea, and those aunty will compare you with their son or relatives. How i wish that i can shout at them, asking them to shut up. I know that i'm blessed enought for i can spent my cny with my family while some can't. For now, i just wish that everyone that i care and miss who are in foreign country, not able to come back for cny are doing good and fine. Once again, i'm finger crossed that the reunion dinner that i wish for will come true next year. Happy CNY? I guess not.