I Have Zero Knowledge in IT Stuff

Seriously. Seriously. SERIOUSLY!!!!!

I had spent my 2 hours time, figuring up how to change my designs of my blog, all the gadgets and stuff. I've tried to insert some photos and captions, somehow, they appeared differently and look so weird!! I bet kids nowadays, with the over-exposure in technology can teach me in this kind of stuff :( ...............

My friends, especially my dear sista, always nags me in being so dumb when come across some IT stuff like computer, cell phone, camera.........especially all those touch-screen gadgets!!!!!!!! I admit that I'm wayyyyyy toooooo nooooob in all these!!

Well, if you're reading this poryingying, fyi, I really did not know how to insert songs from pc into my hp or vica-versa in my entire secondary school life :)

It's good to know that there are people who read by blogs :)

At first I do not tell everyone that I am having one, so I write every thoughts of mine and also shares my problems, or sometimes, or most of the time, blaming on all the unfortunate events that I had. Haha...Well, I do need a place to shout it out right. Muahaha..

After some thinking, I think my blog is the perfect place to voice something. The stuff that I posted, I will not normally discuss with everyone, I can't stand it, like being defeated or something like that. For close friends of mine, if you have read and know that I'm in blues, please phone me up as maybe I really need to talk to someone. But DON'T, PLEASE DON'T make fun of it na...haha..

For others, I seriously do not think anyone who is not close with me even bother to read blogs of mine. I mean it's not interesting at all. It has no photos, no fancy decorations, no interesting events, just an always-blaming-on-stuff girl's blog. You can laugh or maybe disagree on what I say but as long as I can't hear you, that's okay for me.

Lastly, I miss my friends out there, yo people, please phone me, text me, or write on my walls in fb as I'm officially rotting in my house currently. Miss the good time, and the bad too, and I miss studying so badly. Miss you baby sista.

Finger cross, hope everyone that I miss and love are doing fine and unlike me, are enjoying LIFE :)

Got Cha sootohjiawen!!

My blog is always my sanctuary when I am facing any of my dilemmas in my life. A friend of mine told me that I always worry about things. Well, we all do the same right. A smooth sailing life isn't a life. But mine is pretty rocky sometimes.

Yea, my last blog is about the bla bla feelings when my STPM results were going to be released. However, my results is not bad (that's what I told others). Okay, let's don't lie, it does not reach my target, and I'm pretty disappointed. Getting a cgpa of 3.67 in STPM is actually the same as getting 3.33 or 3.5. You are just not elite anymore. It dampen my spirit as Pharmacy is my first choice of my courses for a degree. Little do I know that why it seems like every science students in Malaysia determine to be a Pharmacy like I do. So as ppl are mushrooming for it, the more competitive it become.

Now, there are some people that ask me why did I study Form 6. My very first aim

------->PURSUE MY DEGREE IN SINGAPORE!!! Study in Singapore is always my dream. Okay, let's don't lie again. Study abroad is always my dream. I am superficial maybe, but you can say that I dream high :)

The email that I received the days before torn me apart. A rejection letter from NTU saying my application my admission into NTU is unsuccessful. I applied to 2 universities, NTU and NUS. So I only have half a probability to realise my dream. It's not that I do not want to study in local universities or I look down on the level of education, but I need a different surrounding, a campus with English. Get what I mean? NUS, you're my only hope right now. PLEASE, ACCEPT MY APPLICATION. I'M DYING TO BE A STUDENT OF YOURS!!

To be frank, I want to become a pharmacist right now. I do not know why, but the urge of becoming one have been mounting few months ago. I can see my future in becoming one. Honestly, the last thing I want about my tertiary education is to spend huge sums of my parents hard-earned money on my education. I just can't take it. But it seems like I have no choice but to find another option if everything fails-----private universities.

I hate myself when I'm surfing about info for pharmacy courses in those money sucking universities.

I even hate myself when I confess to my parents that I have the thought of studying in private Uni for pharm.

I want to punch myself when I'm comparing the prices of the Unis. I want to slap myself, scold every four-letter word that I can think of,

To myself, for being so useless, for being so over-confident, that I can make everything right, that I am a straight-A student that Singapore Unis will accept me.

Ping reminded me that one of the girl that I have teased before, she got a hell better grade than me. Life serve me right. I deserve this. I deserve this failure after all. A true punishment for my over-over confident.

I used to promise my parents what I will give them when I'm working. A better house, I used to say to my dad to change the red car when I got a scholarship. Hello jiawen, wake up!! You can't even get the admission into Uni, leave alone scholarships okay!! How can I still keep my promise when I can't even guarantee a place in Uni, a bright future of mine?

Finger-crossed, hope that God will show mercy and give me what I've worked and prayed so hard for.

N E R V O U S

Nervous can't actually explain my feelings right now.

What's going to happen this coming Monday? It's the day after tomorrow.

Will I cry? Tears of happiness or dismals?

Surely, I want to scream my lungs out, shouting like a mad man, jumping up and down, thanking all my teachers, sharing my joy with all my friends, and tell myself :" You finally did it jiawen :) "

Not to forget grabbing Mr Hapidin, for a photo for the local tabloid. As what I've promised him.

All my hard-work, will it get paid off? Endless of uncertainties are rooming me right now. And I don't even want to spare a moment to think about me getting the unwanted results.

Should I put on my best clothes, to get prepared to stand in front of the reporters' camera? Like I used to? It's not that I'm ego, confident or whatever. It's indeed my true feelings. Throughout my schooling years, all these years, I never let my parents down, I hit my own expectation. I'm a straight-A student. Yes, I can said that proudly. I never get a B in my UPSR, PMR and SPM. What about STPM??? I don't want a B to appear in my certificates this Monday. However, deep down I know somehow 2 subjects are going to let me down. I know I did not do well in these 2 subjects. But I seriously cannot bear with that results. I cannot take it. Puzzled. Dilemma.

I've studied so hard even I'm impressed with myself. I once tell myself that no matter how the results to be, I have no regrets. Anyhow, even there's no regrets, believe me, if i get the unwanted results, I'll still blame myself, probably slapping myself. Well, I'm quite emotional sometimes.

On the bright side, keep telling myself that it's worth it, all the hard-work will get paid.

I'm gonna smile brightly, hug my parents and see the triumph look of my parents, especially my mom, whose eyes will beam with pride. Well, I've seen that for 3 times. Let me see that again will you mom? My friends and I will congratulating each other non-stop, thanking our teachers. Phoning my close friends who are studying in other states, mostly Malacca and KL, telling them about my results. Not to forget my relatives too. Come back home, post it on Facebook, and start applying for Uni applications and available scholarships.

Finger-crossed, crossed, CROSSED, let it happen to me please :)

Hobbies?

It's my first blog in 2011!! Look back my 2010, it's not actually filled only with all the studies for my STPM. Actually i did have many good time. Well, i actually miss my form 6 life. In the class, all the joy, all the struggling during some boring periods, all the arguement, all the gossipings. I miss everyone right now!

Okay, go back to the topic. I'm just came back from Taiwan last week. By right i should have one blog reserve for my Taiwan trip, but don't know why, i just do not have the right mood for writting a blog for the trip. The trip was awesome, no doubt, but...........i dunno :(

Okay, go back to the topic. When i was in Taiwan, i saw many people who own DSLR. To me, my old perspection, DSLR is another tool for them to show off..like uttering ' look at me, i'm artistic and cool' in silence. No offence but right now, i apologise to anyone whom i judged with this staement. In Taiwan, those who own one are really interested in photography. And they're really really talented. Once i talked to Chun Leng, whom jia jia and I usually refered him as DSLR. I asked him about why photography? What is that so special about taking photos? And it's a costly hobby in fact. When he answered me, his eyes were actually beaming with light and he started to talk like a pro. I was amazed. And the following days, i noticed that when we reached a place with beautiful scenary, those who own DSLR will have different kind of positions, some squat, some standing, some even lying on the floor (this is not me exaggerating!!) to capture the incredible scenary with the correct angle, lightness and the proper lens.
You know what i did, i just snap snap and snap, in some case, i don't even bother to zoom it even the image was like ant size. That's time when i was amazed by Jia jia and ying them, they manage to take like 100++ photos with different poses, expression. Moi? Kill me!!

And when i think back, i don't really have any hobby, interest and things that i like. Yea, i like to read novels, but i don't really have one favourite writter. In fact i like to try on different writters' novel and indulge myself in every novel with different types of writting, distinct style of portraying the stories. I know i'm weird.

And yea, i like to listen to music, but i don't really have one favourite singer. Oh, TVXQ when i'm still a teen. Right now, nah. But i prefer English hitz than chinese songs. Anyway, some chinese oldies are still my fav.

Yea, i like to sing!! A lot! But i know deep down honestly i know that i'm not a talented singer that i can own a record or sth like that. Not that i even have the chance! However, i did enjoy the time when we sing together, in a team, like as a member in 6th graders! Oh, i missed my time in Choir so badly. If i have the chance, i will join any choir club, if i found any. I love to spend my Christmas in KL. It's not about the shopping. When i heard any carolling in malls, i will squeezed myself into the crowd and enjoy the music until my sister pulled me off. If i have the chance, i'll take part in some singing competition again. I like to prove myself. Hell yea, i'm sootohjiawen.

Okay, i'm lazy of writting at this moment. This is a bad ending i know, but my brain is so dry at this moment :) My next blog will be my taiwan trip. That's what i've promised my dad. Yea..he forced me to write a blog like billy does. Till then, happy new year everyone!

I hate Grey's Anatomy!!

I have been watching this drama series since i'm 14 i think..can you imagine? It's been 5 years! I was just 14, fyi i'm just form 2 back then and i can't even barely understand some of their conversation in the drama. I hate this drama. Seriously.

I'm having the long awaited STPM right now. I just finished my Biology paper 1 today. And i think i screwed my exam. Okay. I'm not going to continue to write about that. It's pathetic and i feel like scolding myself for having a taufu brain. Still, i hate Grey's anatomy.

I've given my extremely best for this exam, if not what do you think that have caused me the swollen eye bags?? So for a little treat for being a great warrior, i started to watch Grey's Anatomy season 1. Right from the beginning. I started to watch this drama from season 3 5 years ago and till now, i've totally no idea what is the latest season that is on air right now. 7? 8??

I used to watch this drama with my baby sister, ntv7, tuesday night or saturday night, can't recall the exact day. Since we have our own laptop last year and my mighty sister discovered that Grey's Anatomy is in PPS, then we started to watched it online. Yeah, we cried together, passing tissues for one another, hugging one another when it's too much. I miss that moment terribly right now :(

I hate this drama. It makes me feel like i'm a stupid ass that will cry alone in front of my computer screen. I even sobbed!! I have to pretend that i'm having flu to wipe off my tears just now to prevent my dad from worrying. Gosh, i don't even cry like this when i screwed my exam!! Next time, as a friendly reminder, if you wanna watch this drama, prepare some tissue paper next to you. Ask your bf or gf or good friends or your sister( lili i miss you!!) to be next to you when you're watching. This ain't no kidding. For the time being, i have no bf, no sister by my side, i just have to continue pretending that i'm having flu. I don't want my parents to think that i'm insane. I hate Grey's Anatomy!!

Next Destination

Dear fudgie:

It's been a while i know. But I'm too busy about my studies and STUDIES!!
I'm only left with another month to prepare for my STPM.
It's like the movie 24 hours, the clock is ticking, John Bouver is running, his sweats are dripping.
In my case, I'm studying, calculating, writting non stop.
I know my goals, which not to say absurb, but kind of hard to realise.
But this is the pay-off price to get something that you want.
In fact it's the thing that i always wanted, since when...i'M 14??
And this is even better.
Athough i know people will tell me just try your best or don't think too much, or just stay silent, little that i know if i can achieve it or not.
It's a unknown.
Somehow, i can imagine it happening.
I'll fight for this.
No matter what it takes.
This is the only chance.
This is it.
It's now or never.
People who dream big but don't work hard enough to realise that do not have the right to complain about unfairness in life.
I used to blame on fate and luck.
But i won't do that again.
It's just me and you.
And i know what's the ending.
It's me smilling till the end.