Yea, my last blog is about the bla bla feelings when my STPM results were going to be released. However, my results is not bad (that's what I told others). Okay, let's don't lie, it does not reach my target, and I'm pretty disappointed. Getting a cgpa of 3.67 in STPM is actually the same as getting 3.33 or 3.5. You are just not elite anymore. It dampen my spirit as Pharmacy is my first choice of my courses for a degree. Little do I know that why it seems like every science students in Malaysia determine to be a Pharmacy like I do. So as ppl are mushrooming for it, the more competitive it become.
Now, there are some people that ask me why did I study Form 6. My very first aim
------->PURSUE MY DEGREE IN SINGAPORE!!! Study in Singapore is always my dream. Okay, let's don't lie again. Study abroad is always my dream. I am superficial maybe, but you can say that I dream high :)
The email that I received the days before torn me apart. A rejection letter from NTU saying my application my admission into NTU is unsuccessful. I applied to 2 universities, NTU and NUS. So I only have half a probability to realise my dream. It's not that I do not want to study in local universities or I look down on the level of education, but I need a different surrounding, a campus with English. Get what I mean? NUS, you're my only hope right now. PLEASE, ACCEPT MY APPLICATION. I'M DYING TO BE A STUDENT OF YOURS!!
To be frank, I want to become a pharmacist right now. I do not know why, but the urge of becoming one have been mounting few months ago. I can see my future in becoming one. Honestly, the last thing I want about my tertiary education is to spend huge sums of my parents hard-earned money on my education. I just can't take it. But it seems like I have no choice but to find another option if everything fails-----private universities.
I hate myself when I'm surfing about info for pharmacy courses in those money sucking universities.
I even hate myself when I confess to my parents that I have the thought of studying in private Uni for pharm.
I want to punch myself when I'm comparing the prices of the Unis. I want to slap myself, scold every four-letter word that I can think of,
To myself, for being so useless, for being so over-confident, that I can make everything right, that I am a straight-A student that Singapore Unis will accept me.
Ping reminded me that one of the girl that I have teased before, she got a hell better grade than me. Life serve me right. I deserve this. I deserve this failure after all. A true punishment for my over-over confident.
I used to promise my parents what I will give them when I'm working. A better house, I used to say to my dad to change the red car when I got a scholarship. Hello jiawen, wake up!! You can't even get the admission into Uni, leave alone scholarships okay!! How can I still keep my promise when I can't even guarantee a place in Uni, a bright future of mine?
Finger-crossed, hope that God will show mercy and give me what I've worked and prayed so hard for.
