A year has passed..

A year has passed, and yet i still miss granny involuntary and sometimes i found myself murmuring to her. Tell her about problems that i'm facing, and asked for her guidance. Although mama( that's how i address her) had passed away exactly one year, the image of her, all the wisdom and advice she once told me, all those memories that i had with her did not wane and yet as clearly and vivid as it just happenned yesterday.

Since i was a kid, granny is my idol. She may not be well-educated, but her wisdom of life is even more better than many educated people. Preserverance is the most important value of life that i've learned from mama. She told me about how they survive through second world war. Although it was just a brief description, i can tell the fear and the pain. She was just at my age at that time. If it's me, for sure i cannot deal with that. My grandpa died young, leaving mama as a widow with 3 children. She was a strict mum. And granny. Since small, all of us were scolded, hit hard when we done something wrong. I still remember how fierce she was when she found out that i sneaked out and buy cold beverage. She used to restain me from cold drinks as it's bad for health.

Until she met the accident, and her arm was in pain everyday due to nervous disorder. I used to helped her to sort of 'massage' it, hoping it would ease her pain. There's one day, she suddenly 'cubit' me and i jumped in shock and screamed in pain. She smiled and said " that's the pain that i endure every night. "

She suffered the pain of her hand for about 5 years i think. There's times where she uttered words like " let me die and free me from the pain". I used to scold her and told her not to even have the notion in her mind. I reminded her how blessed she was as all of us love her, care about her. However, sometimes i think that i'm selfish as it's me myself who could not let her go, the slight imagination about her leaving us made my tears streamming down my cheek.

Mama, i knew that you died in peace. You waited tjun came, sat beside you and then only you let go. Till now, i still condemn myself why didn't i try my best to listen what you're murmuring that night, the last night i was with you, the last night you're in this world. Anyhow, every now and then, i can feel that you're still with us. Well, I cannot explain that. Sometimes when i wanna buy a coke, your voice will ring in my mind. Honestly, i love it and miss it so much.

I promise you that i 'll become a person that you'll proud of and happy for me high up from heaven, under the arm of God. Preserverance that you have shown me mould me into who i'm today. However, sometimes it's too competitive and stubborn in a bad way. Hee...

In 'Tuesday with Morrie", it's written that one is not entirely died even he was dead. The compassion and love that you once radiate is still with us, with the entire family. Even one year passed, all of us still miss you and the love is ceaceless. You're forever in my heart mama..Love you.