I received phone call from my aunt (yi ma) , the day after my birthday and she reminded me that i'm a big girl and going to turn 20 next year. Walao, 20. Old? Young? Somehow i always imagine that i'm still 17 or 18, i just don't feel like 19 and going to turn 20 next year. The only time that i know that i'm really a big girl is when i'm driving.
Anyway, deep down i know that i'm not that young and childish girl anymore. Bear used to say that i'm childish when we're 17. I once asked her:" Do i really have a deep relationship to get mature?" Feel like slapping myself for asking that dumb question. Now, i can answer my own question. No, you don't need that to be mature. Anyhow, if you meet somebody who suit you and mature, you are going to learn much from him. Or you should get some lessons in life. Although mostly the pain of falling down are unbearable, but it's the courage and determine to stand up and stay strong that make you mature. Smooth sailing life is not a life.
I like the feeling of missing you. It makes me feel like you never left. People come and go. For some friendship that i've treasured but i know it's vanishing, because of why i'm not sure, but i wish you the best of luck all the time. For all the people that once in my life, care for me, but now due to some factors we're maybe not even friends, aquintances maybe or even stranger, thank you. Sincerely. For those who still bonded with me, i hope this will last. For last 2 years, i get to know a lot of things, including those u treat them like real friends but turn their back when you need them or only find me to get some benifits. It's sad but it's good i think, to get to know. Okay, I'm goin to sleep soon. Thanks for not available tonight, so that i can have time to write to my lovely fudgie. Finger crossed, hoping you're going to have a great week. xoxo.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
So near yet so far
Dear fudgie:
I always know what's my dream, what's my goal and who i'm. I'm that kinda girl that know what i want and do everything it takes and leads to my goals. Maybe sometimes i'm too confident in myself and people often misjugde me as arrogant. Well, maybe it's true. haha..Well, you cannot blame me for this as since i was a child i have been treated unfairly in primary schools. That's why since then, i told myself to be super good in everything.
Since in secondary school, i told myself that i have to get straight a's in every public examinations. So that i can see the proud face and the pride in my parents. I'd study really hard and yup, i did it. I told myself that i have to get a chance to goto Japan as student exchange. And i did it, better still, it was FOC. I told myself that i've to get JPA scholarship so that my parents won't have to pay a penny for my tertiary education. Anyway, it's their hard-earned money, why should they spent it on me? I prefer they use that money to go for vacation or something else. However, fair lady is not by my side this time, i didn't get it. I'm stubborn, as all my friends know about that, and i take the challenge, STPM. I told myself that i'm gonna rock my STPM and get my much-coveted chance to study overseas. Studying overseas is my dream since dinasour is still on this earth.
Time flies, and the cliche' "like a blink oy eye" , STPM trial come and goes. And i done badly. Really bad. I've never been studied till so hard and this is the worst results that i've get in my entire life. My superior aim is to get 4 flat in my STPM. Right now, it's like a vapour, vaporising into thin air. When i get my chemistry results, there's a fire in me that told me ' jiawen, seriously study hard from now on and show to others who you really are and what are you capable of.' When i told others, i expect the same from their mouth. " You can do it in real STPM, come on, don't worry so much!!" Should i not be worrying? I doubt.
I often live in other people's expectation. And the most important is i always live under my expectation. I expect myself to be good, excellent and great. I want to live the life and achieve whatever i've promised myself. But can i achieve everyone of those? I hate to say that i doubt actually. Please, give me some guidance give me some luck and i really need it right now. Finger crossed, please let me live the life that i want. Seriously.
I always know what's my dream, what's my goal and who i'm. I'm that kinda girl that know what i want and do everything it takes and leads to my goals. Maybe sometimes i'm too confident in myself and people often misjugde me as arrogant. Well, maybe it's true. haha..Well, you cannot blame me for this as since i was a child i have been treated unfairly in primary schools. That's why since then, i told myself to be super good in everything.
Since in secondary school, i told myself that i have to get straight a's in every public examinations. So that i can see the proud face and the pride in my parents. I'd study really hard and yup, i did it. I told myself that i have to get a chance to goto Japan as student exchange. And i did it, better still, it was FOC. I told myself that i've to get JPA scholarship so that my parents won't have to pay a penny for my tertiary education. Anyway, it's their hard-earned money, why should they spent it on me? I prefer they use that money to go for vacation or something else. However, fair lady is not by my side this time, i didn't get it. I'm stubborn, as all my friends know about that, and i take the challenge, STPM. I told myself that i'm gonna rock my STPM and get my much-coveted chance to study overseas. Studying overseas is my dream since dinasour is still on this earth.
Time flies, and the cliche' "like a blink oy eye" , STPM trial come and goes. And i done badly. Really bad. I've never been studied till so hard and this is the worst results that i've get in my entire life. My superior aim is to get 4 flat in my STPM. Right now, it's like a vapour, vaporising into thin air. When i get my chemistry results, there's a fire in me that told me ' jiawen, seriously study hard from now on and show to others who you really are and what are you capable of.' When i told others, i expect the same from their mouth. " You can do it in real STPM, come on, don't worry so much!!" Should i not be worrying? I doubt.
I often live in other people's expectation. And the most important is i always live under my expectation. I expect myself to be good, excellent and great. I want to live the life and achieve whatever i've promised myself. But can i achieve everyone of those? I hate to say that i doubt actually. Please, give me some guidance give me some luck and i really need it right now. Finger crossed, please let me live the life that i want. Seriously.
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